Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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