Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
