I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
