I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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