And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
