I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
