From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
