apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
