I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
