that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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