i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
