Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
