Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
