Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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