he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
