someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
