yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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