we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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