I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
