I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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