everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
