i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
