i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
