If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
