I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
