it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
