Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
