I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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