..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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