Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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