Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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