i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize