I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
