we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
