ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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