some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
