She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
