swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize