I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
