He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
