not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
