i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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