Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Edward fifth and chaser hands
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
