Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
