I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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