i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
