And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
