Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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