i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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