I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
