I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
