I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
