Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
