After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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