The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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