cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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