I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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