with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
