Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
