I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
