Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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