Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
