there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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