Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
