Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
