This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
