the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
