then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
