FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
