She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
