whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
