I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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