When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
