she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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