I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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