Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
