If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who died my cat blue again?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
